Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
