I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
