My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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