We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
