I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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