puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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