I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
