she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
