I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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