I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
