im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
