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Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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