I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
