If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
