dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
