I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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