I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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