life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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