I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He felt like a one man threesome
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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