i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
