sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
