so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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