Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
