Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
time to smoke my breakfast
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
