You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
