You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize