I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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