I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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