I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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