butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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