Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize