He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
