He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
