Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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