I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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