oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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