I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
