Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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