wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
