Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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