Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
