who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
