I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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