You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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