Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
