Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
