Ketchup is God's man juice
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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