4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
