my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
