I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the day after is always just damage control
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
