he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize