I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
