i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
