i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
