I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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