I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
