ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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