how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
