I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't think brook has ever known best
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
