Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
