yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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