Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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