And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
