HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want nice things and good sex
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
