my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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