I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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