Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is my gift to your gina
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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