we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
