note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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